The Job (the temporary one)

A lot of people have been asking me about my new job. Today was my fourth day, and I'm getting the hang of it, though I won't lie and say it's fun. I will, though, tell you a little about it. If you aren't a lawyer, you might be surprised what some lawyers spend their days doing.

Before I begin, I want to say that I am really thankful to have a job as an attorney that pays decently, especially considering the state of the economy, which has been quite hard on lawyers (but yeah, I know you don't pity lawyers!). So far everyone is treating me well and my co-workers seem very nice.

I'm working as a temporary document review attorney in the workroom of a medium-large law firm in downtown Baltimore. Supposedly most of us will be working this case for about 2-3 months, but it could get cut short, or it could go on long past that. About 25 lawyers sit in the room with me, all of us at tables; about 10 more sit in an adjoining room. There are two workspaces per table. A workspace consists of a hard drive, a large flat screen, a keyboard and a mouse. There are no decorations or personal items around, unless you count the cups of coffee at almost every spot. I guess I'm lucky. I sit on the end of a row, and the lawyer who shares my table seems pretty nice and easy-going.

All of the attorneys I work with are employees of an attorney staffing firm. Our client is the law firm, whose client in turn is a Fortune 500 corporation. I wish I could tell you more, but confidentiality rules won't allow it.

Here's what my day is like: I wake up at about 6:30 AM and leave the house around 7:30 to drive to Baltimore, where I park in a garage and walk to the law firm's building. I put on a name tag (My name and "Temporary Employee," it says) so people in the building know I "belong" there. For the most part, I'm probably not going to get to know any of the permanent firm attorneys.

I sit down at my workspace and send an email to a timekeepers so she knows I've arrived. Then I begin my work: I spend 8 hours looking at my flat screen, searching manually through hundreds of computer-scanned documents: emails, letters, spreadsheets and power point presentations. Like everyone else in the room, it's my job to decide whether each document is relevant to the case and whether we legally must produce it to the opposing party's law firm. Most of the documents are not very exciting (to say the least), and I often see what appears to be the same document multiple times. The work is very repetitive, but it's important to be diligent and not take anything for granted. The most difficult thing about the job is staying alert enough not to miss anything important -- thus the coffee, which I do not ordinarily drink.

I don't talk to anyone very much. Everyone is concentrating. Sometimes people listen to ipods, but that's the only entertainment anyone has. We don't have access to the Internet or personal emails, and we are required to keep our phones muted. The client is paying us to get the work done efficiently, and besides, it would be rude to distract the other attorneys. During my 30 minute lunch, I try to take a walk outdoors and get a quick meal; I find I'm rather desperate to get out of that room (though it isn't completely unpleasant -- it does have big windows and decent ventilation). At the end of the day, we send an "I'm leaving" email, turn the computers off, and return home.

Who are the attorneys in this room with me? Many, like me, are only a year or two out of law school, and some are working their first job as an attorney. A surprising number of the others have recently been laid off from firms all along the East Coast. Some have small private practices in their "spare time." Others are waiting for a more permanent position. Judging on looks alone, I would estimate that the attorneys range in age from about 26 to about 59. Many seem to be married and have children. From what I can tell, they come from just about every background, race and religion, which I find rather impressive, actually.

One thing I think almost all of us have in common: none of us expected or hoped to be doing this kind of work after spending 3-4 years in law school and in many cases working as litigators or law clerks or patent attorneys or what have you. But more and more law firms are needing to hire lawyers like this to work on massive litigation projects, while fewer of them are hiring permanent associates. Who has the money to hire all these attorneys? I'll let you figure that out on your own. Just know that it's not the "average" guy or gal on the street....

Beauty in Judaism -- D'var Torah, November 14, 2009

(Quite a few people asked me after the service if they could see a text of the d'var I gave on the occasion of my class's adult bat mitzvah. So here it is.)

"Why did you convert?" It's been over three years since I went to the mikvah to become a Jew, but this is a question that still surfaces with surprising frequency. People are surprisingly bold on this matter -- sometimes a person I've only just met will hear that my name is "Brannigan," see the Star of David on my necklace and want to know, "what's the deal with that?"

There are many reasons why I decided I wanted to be Jewish -- too many to enumerate. Suffice it to say that, at core, I have long felt that I was Jewish at heart. But today I want to discuss just one of the reasons I felt the Jewish faith and community had something to offer me -- something that I feel strongly is missing in much of secular life. I want to talk about the depth of the meaning of beauty in the Jewish tradition and what that means for those who follow its teachings -- especially for women like those of us who are celebrating becoming b'not mitzvah as adults today.

In today's parsha, we are introduced to the matriarch Rivka, Rebecca, who is said to have been pleasing to the eyes. As it is translated simply in Etz Hayim, at Breishit 24:16, "[Rebecca] was very beautiful." In fact, we are told at various times that all of the matriarchs could be described as beautiful to behold. What does that mean? Must a Jewish woman strive to be beautiful? Is beauty a noteworthy characteristic?

Considering my well-known Naomi Wolf-inspired brand of feminism, some of you may be surprised that I think the answer is "yes." And not only must a Jewish woman strive to be beautiful, but a Jewish man must strive to be beautiful as well. But -- beauty in Judaism is not defined as simplistically as it is in the current materialistic, secular culture. Many of us are used to thinking that beauty is about clear skin and toned muscles and a youthful glow. But in Jewish tradition, it is much deeper and wholistic; it includes not just the physical attributes of a person but the way a person thinks and acts and carries himself or herself in the community. Judaism most definitely gives value to beauty, but it recognizes that beauty is found in qualities beyond the physical.

The late Rabbi Joshua Shmidman of McGill University described the idea of Jewish beauty in an essay that you can find reprinted on the internet after Shabbat. He derives this notion from the rabbinical definition of beauty found in the description of the etrog tree. To quote Rabbi Shmidman:

"The Torah requires: "And you shall take unto yourselves on the first day (of Sukkot) a fruit of a beautiful tree -- pri etz hadar." The Talmud (Sukkot 35a) wishes to define what constitutes a beautiful tree by analyzing the Hebrew word for beautiful, hadar. The sages conclude that it is the etrog tree, because the word "hadar" is interpreted to be a fruit which "dwells continuously all year on the tree" (ha-dar, literally, "that which dwells"). Thus, they understand the word "dar" to mean the opposite of temporary or intermittent residence; rather, it implies permanence, a continuous process through time (similar to the French "duree" or the English "endure"). The etrog tree fulfils this requirement of constant dwelling, for most other fruits are seasonal, but the etrog grows, blossoms and produces fruit throughout all the seasons: in the heat and the cold, in the wind and in storm -- it stubbornly persists! It endures! And in the Jewish view, that is why it is beautiful."

The sages find beauty in that which endures -- and therefore, also in that which is old. Shmidman continues by reminding us of the commandment to respect the elderly: "'Ve'hadarta p'nei zakein,' which is usually translated 'and honor the face of the old person.' The word hadar, however, literally means 'beauty', so what the verse is actually telling us is to ascribe beauty to the old face."

I have come to believe that beauty is derived not just from age and experience, but from the wisdom acquired through age and experience. Not only that, but such wisdom -- a wisdom that is exemplified by Torah itself -- can provide even more ways to achieve beauty. For instance, this wisdom teaches us the beauty of eternal qualities, such as chesed.

Indeed, going back to today's parsha, while Rebecca's physical beauty is mentioned once, the Torah repeatedly talks about Rebecca possessing "chesed" -- lovingkindness. Chesed is the quality for which Abraham's servant, whom tradition identifies as Eliezer, was searching when he applied his test: Rebecca not only offered water to Eliezer when she was asked for it, but on her own initiative she also offered water for his camels. This act of chesed demonstrated to Eliezer -- and to us -- why she was an appropriate match for the son of Abraham. And her act also shows the fullness of Rebecca's beauty -- that it did not come only from a simple assessment of her looks, but from a more complete assessment of her character.

There is an oft-quoted verse in the section of Proverbs known as Eshet Chayil in which we are told that "beauty is vanity." In this verse, we are reminded that physical beauty cannot be an end unto itself. An Eshet Chayil -- a woman of valor -- does not strive for physical beauty, for that is not a type of beauty that endures. Instead, she strives for more eternal qualities: She is kind, and tends to the needs of others. She is industrious; she is strong and honorable. She tends to her spirituality. These qualities give her a beauty "beyond jewels," the beauty that reflects the eternal beauty of Judaism.

Here at Tikvat Israel, as well as in the larger Jewish community, I saw when I was considering conversion that women -- and men as well -- were valued not for some materialistic and shallow, secular version of beauty, but for all the ways in which their thoughts and actions made them beautiful to behold. In recent months, I have seen this beauty displayed by the women who have been sharing with me this experience of officially becoming a "bat mitzvah." These are women, who, like me, are striving to be women of valor, women who are constantly becoming more fully Jewish.

I'd like to take a moment to honor these women, by talking about why we've decided to publicly celebrate becoming b'not mitzvah today. To understand their stories, a few weeks ago I asked my classmates to write for me their thoughts about what becoming a bat mitzvah today means to them. Their stories are varied and very personal -- some of us were raised as Jews but did not have the opportunity to learn Torah and religous practices as youngsters, while others of us chose Judaism later in life and are only recently becoming acquainted with the traditions.

For some, religious practices were not a large part of their upbringing, and for these women, the training we've been receiving over recent months has been a chance to discover new aspects of what it means to be Jewish. For others, religious Judaism was a big part of life until they reached an age where girls' religious education traditionally ended. I want to quote one of my bat mitzvah classmates, Rebecca, because I believe we've come to an important realization in the American Conservative community -- we understand now in a way we didn't understand a couple of generations ago that to limit a Jewish woman's religious education was potentially to deny her an opportunity to fully express her Judaism.

Rebecca was raised in an Orthodox synagogue, and she says she shared in learning experiences with boys until they reached age 12. At that point the girls were told they no longer needed to continue with Hebrew school. "I was heartbroken and disillusioned," Rebecca recently wrote to me, "since I envisioned that I would be learning all of the things the older bar mitvahs had learned. At that point, my formal religious education came to an abrupt halt. No one could adequately answer my questions so I was left feeling rejected and devalued." To her credit, Rebecca continued to embrace and love Judaism, despite no doubt feeling discouraged. Because of this opportunity for a renewed religious education, Tikvat Israel has helped Rebecca and others in our group take part in the preservation and continuity -- and therefore the beauty -- of Jewish tradition.

Another woman in our group described for me just how important the religious practices are to the continuity of the Jewish people. To be able to properly say kaddish for a departed parent or loved one -- could there be a more beautiful expression of Judaism? It's the most profound example I can think of, illustrating how the Jewish people, our history, and our traditions unite to create a truly spiritual and enduring beauty. By continuing with our religious educations -- and by marking a milestone in our educations today -- we are honoring not only this beautiful Jewish religion but this amazing family that is Judaism.

When Is Kvetching Legitimate?

On Yom Kippur, my rabbi suggested to the congregation that we should consider taking measures to complain less. I think he's right in many respects: one should take care not to complain so much that one forgets to be thankful for the gifts of life, and one should not complain so much as to be blind to others' legitimate complaints. He suggested the use of a Complaint Free World bracelet. The purple band can be worn around your wrist, and whenever you catch yourself complaining, you switch wrists to physically remind yourself of how often you do it. I suppose it's a bit OCD, but I can see the value in it and I plan to give it a try. I am quite aware that I spend too much time whining!

At the same time, however, I found myself thinking about the value of complaining. Perhaps I see it this way because I'm a lawyer, since after all, when one wants to begin a civil lawsuit, one begins by drafting a "complaint." If we didn't complain about bad treatment, if we didn't protest unfairness verbally, we would often be unable to change our circumstances.

The trick, then, is to figure out the difference between whining and making a bid for change. I suppose my rabbi was referring in his speech to the kind of complaining that happens when one is uncomfortable or unhappy but does not or cannot seek to make a change. This might be most common when making a change is impossible, and as an expression of emotion, it is tolerable in small doses. The challenge is to try to find the things one can change and to do one's best to accept and deal with one's lot in life when things cannot be changed.

Complaining is an important part of creating social change. If women and minorities never complained about their treatment, the white male establishment might never have understood their dissatisfaction and would certainly have not done their part to make changes to society and the law. Similarly, aggrieved workers must protest -- in essence, complain -- if they want recognition of a union contract or if they hope to set a boycott in motion.

Certainly, political protest is not what my rabbi was referring to in his speech. However, I would suggest that the fine line between complaining and protesting is not always clear to everyone. In an effort to be "less trouble" to one's superiors or even oppressors, in an effort to do the politically or even religiously "correct" thing and not be seen as a "whiner," sometimes we fail to protest when protest is most needed. So while I definitely agree that constant kvetching is a bad habit many of us (including me!) need to break, I also believe that it is my right and duty to complain when values such as justice, fairness, and equality are on the line.

Feeling Bad During the High Holidays

Well, here it is, almost Rosh Hashanah, and I am just not feeling the joy.

My bad feelings about the high holidays actually began last year on Yom Kippur. The president of my congregation gave a hard-nosed speech on that day about how many people in the congregation were not pulling their weight financially. I probably would have felt it was an unwarranted speech, designed to make the fast harder for everyone, even if I had been in good financial shape. But since I was extremely under-employed at the time, with expenses far outweighing income and lots of debt, I was particularly disturbed by the speech. I had been giving what I could towards dues at my shul -- $10 at a time when I had it to spare -- and only the day before I had slipped all the cash I had into the administration office mailbox just before the holiday had begun. So I will tell you, the last thing in the world I wanted was to spend a half hour in a crowded synagogue, hungry, and hearing about the congregational money woes about which I was doing everything I could despite feeling my admittedly lame efforts were largely unappreciated. I felt so sick to my stomach and angry after the speech that I was in bed most of the day and did not return for afternoon services until it was time to meet my family/friends to break the fast in the evening with cookies. It was a miserable day, all in all.

This year I am no better off. In fact, things are worse. I owe more people more money, and I have been getting meager unemployment checks (based on the temp job pay I had been receiving last fall) ever since February. I'm living on the charity of friends and family to a large extent, and while I've been making every effort to get an appropriate job, I've had no luck so far. I dread another Yom Kippur debacle... please tell me I'm not going to hear more about what an awful congregant I am for slacking off on dues. I just can't take it right now, and I don't think I deserve it, either. I'm really wondering if I can handle going to services this season, though I will go anyway; the high holidays have brought me a sense of renewal in the past, so I have to have faith it will happen again.

I have so much to be grateful for: Family and friends who love me and support me, a roof over my head, a best-buddy dog who suffered a larger dog's bite and survived a few weeks ago, opportunities to dance and hike and do other joyous things, and of course the gift of life itself. I'm not sick, and I don't live in a country where bad luck and debt lead to prison -- or worse. I have a good education and a good mind, so I know my bad luck won't last forever (right?). Intellectually, I know I should be overjoyed to have reached a new year. So why do I feel so bad? Why am I unable to get past my financial woes? Aren't there people who have it much worse, and why do I spend so much time dwelling on the negative?

Hopefully I'll be able to post again after Yom Kippur that I'm feeling better. Until then, may you be inscribed in the book of life -- l'shana tova.

T.R. Reid's World View of Health Care

I recently found Washington Post reporter T.R. Reid's PBS special, Frontline: Sick Around the World to be an enlightening view of the various ways other industrialized nations have addressed health care in their societies. To hear some right-wingers talk about it, you'd think the rest of the world had gone universally socialist, but of that's not only untrue, it's an extremely simplistic notion. Now Reid has written a book on the subject, out August 24, and he's introduced it with a good column in the Post. Take a look: Five Myths About Health Care Around the World

Rethinking the JD and the MBA

As an unemployed lawyer with too much time on her hands, I have been reading news and journal articles about the notion that the legal profession needs to reconsider its current model of training, namely, the Juris Doctor. Lawyers, firms and law schools have been prompted to think about such changes in the wake of the recent economic downturn, which has resulted in fewer good jobs for new law school graduates, with too many overworked attorneys who aren't earning enough to cover sky-high student loan payments. In recent years, traditional, steady law firm jobs seem to be disappearing, while more and more young attorneys are winding up doing the kind of temporary, mass contract work that doesn't seem to use the full range of skills gained in law school. One wonders if law schools shouldn't just go ahead and spend a semester of school teaching electronic document review skills and mass litigation preparation skills, since so many lawyers wind up doing that kind of work and not the meticulous research and analysis for which lawyers are currently trained.

Meanwhile, some are questioning whether three years of law school are really necessary, especially since the cost of law school has become so high that many earners of JDs become virtual indentured servants in exchange for the loans that pay for their degrees. Perhaps students could earn a JD in two years and still pass the bar exam at a lower cost. After all, it wasn't so long ago that law schools were simply undergraduate programs, an alternative to a Bachelor of Arts or Science.

This New York Times opinion piece by Adam Cohen, which focuses on the need for compensation reform and reigning in tuition, is one example of this professional soul-searching: With the Downturn, It's Time to Rethink the Legal Profession. This particular piece addresses the problems but barely hints at solutions; law journal articles are tending to be more circumspect and are sometimes offering ideas for meaningful changes.

I am pleased to see that recent economic problems are also causing business schools to reconsider the training given to MBA students. It appears some commentators in the field are recognizing that MBAs are spending so much time on theory that they are missing out on some real-world aspects of management. They believe ethics and social concerns are downplayed, while some aspects of economics are simplified into one-size-fits-all business models. Maximizing shareholder value is the major goal of MBAs who have graduated from these programs, while long-term sustainability is sometimes ignored. Perhaps this is why highly-qualified business school graduates have been unable to recognize the deficiencies in corporate structure and governance that have contributed to recent economic trends like over-lending and over-consolidation of certain industries.

A recent (March 2009) New York Times article mentions that reviews of graduate business programs have long suggested a need for more "professional" training, which would include codified ethics (as exists for lawyers and doctors) as well as an agreed-upon ideology about the role of the professional business manager in society at large. I am impressed that some business management experts are finally seeing some of the cracks in their system and suggesting educational changes to address the need for a balance between maximizing profit, creating economic sustainability, and respect for societal interests beyond pure finance. Hopefully business schools are taking some of these suggestions to heart, but I suppose only time will tell. If the economy turns around again, will these ideas once again seem quaint to the profit-hungry MBAs of tomorrow? The article can be found here: Is It Time to Retrain B-Schools?

Preventable Deaths on the Job: Farm Workers

There's not much for me to comment on here. Just read the story:

NY Times: UFW Sues CA over Farm Workers' Deaths

Why Exercise Might Not Be Helping With Obesity

Check out this article in Time magazine about why exercise can sometimes hinder rather than help weight loss:

Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin - Time Magazine

Apparently, people tend to negate their exercise by eating more afterwards. Exercise, you see, makes you hungry! The article suggests the solution is to keep one's activity level up during the day rather than relying on bursts of more extreme exercise, say, in the gym. And of course, a person trying to lose weight simply shouldn't take in more calories than he can use.

Since reducing calories in an extreme way has a tendency not to "stick" as a long-term habit (no one wants to be hungry their whole life!), I'd say this is yet another argument in favor of very slow weight loss, achieved by adjusting diet gently and staying somewhat active throughout the day. And personally, I think it vindicates my dislike of running -- I'd much rather walk for two miles than run it, and since I will burn the same number of calories but be physically less uncomfortable at the end, I'm probably less likely to compensate by thinking I "deserve" an extra doughnut.

Why Labor Rights are Civil Rights - an Introduction

When black leader A. Philip Randolph began his career as a civil rights and union activist in the early part of the 20th Century, mostly-white unions usually fought against allowing African Americans to be members of their bargaining units. Just as white workers feared management would take advantage of them as individual employees, they also feared black workers would steal their jobs. And to a certain extent, they were right -- striking workers were sometimes replaced by black "scabs" to add racist insult to injury by management. Historically, management was able to play upon racist fears and blacks' low economic status to divide and conquer the workforce.

But Randolph was a visionary. When he helped unionize the mostly black railway porters of the Pullman Company in 1925, he understood that the company was taking advantage of racism and the economic condition of Black America to create a public image of subservient black men eager to please their white customers. He also understood that white unions and black unions would ultimately be fighting for the same goal: fair wages and tolerable working conditions accompanied by dignity and respect. The struggle for dignity and respect is at the heart of the black civil rights movement, and because they are shared goals of feminists, other minority activists and the organized labor, all of these movements are rightly included in the larger struggle for civil rights.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. knew this as well. As he said in a speech to the AFL-CIO's constitutional convention in 1961:

"Our needs are identical with labor's needs: decent wages, fair working conditions, livable housing, old age security, health and welfare measures, conditions in which families can grow, have education for their children and respect in the community....The duality of interests of labor and Negroes makes any crisis which lacerates you a crisis from which we bleed."

It was not long after this that A. Philip Randolph joined with leaders from communities of many colors and faiths to organize the 1963 March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom, at which King made his now-legendary "I Have a Dream" speech. Randolph and King were at the crossroads of civil rights, and they understood that good jobs with fair wages and working conditions were at the heart of the civil rights they sought.

Today, organized labor continues to work side by side with minority groups like the NAACP to ensure dignity and respect for all people, especially those marginalized by racial and economic circumstance. Among the issues affecting laborers and minorities alike are the need for affordable health care for all Americans, the protection of American jobs from encroachment by cheap labor overseas, balance of work and family life, security for the aged, and education for all. Though even many politically liberal observers in the educated middle and upper middle classes may not realize it, organized labor is at the heart of civil rights, perhaps now more than ever. That's because now more than ever, the values of dignity and respect at work are spilling over to inform our values about how we treat one another as human beings -- and how we treat each other as human beings falls within the very definition of civil rights.

For more, see this Wikipedia Article on civil rights leader A. Philip Randolph

I'll be talking more about the importance of organized labor, both in the workplace and in society, in future blog posts.

Fasting and the environment

Yesterday when I was fasting on Tisha B'Av, I asked myself whether fasting might be a tiny positive contributor to environmental well-being. After all, when we fast we do not use resources we would otherwise use. Perhaps this is a compelling reason environmentalists have frequently used fasting as a method of protest. Okay, so one little person fasting three or four times a year might not make much of a difference, but what if billions of us did it? Or even a few million?

Well, I really haven't been able to come up with an answer, and perhaps it's a silly question. But I did come across an article linking Tisha B'Av with an important environmental meeting that took place yesterday. FWIW, I know nothing in particular about the organization or rabbi that published this blog entry, so I don't necessarily endorse them, though I do sympathize with their environmentalist theology.

The Ninth of Av, Copenhagen and Climate Change

Breech Birthers

In case you haven't heard, much of the mainstream press is letting news about health care, North Korea, Iran, our two wars and the slumping economy go by the wayside for what is apparently a much more important story. Has Michael Jackson come back to life? No, not yet, anyway. This story has real implications for the future of our country: Apparently, even though no one's birth circumstances have been more thoroughly documented and vetted than President Barack Obama's, there are still serious questions about the circumstances of Barack Obama's birth. <Insert rolled eyes here.>

A number of Americans are apparently letting jingoism, racism, and ignorance cloud their judgment, and no amount of proof will ever be enough for them. It seems some will forever refuse to believe that President Obama is truly an American-born citizen and that he is therefore legitimately eligible to be our President.

Question for the press: Why are you letting your media outlets legitimize a story that has no basis whatsoever in reality?

Jon Stewart asked the same question last week, with results that were both hilarious and disturbing. It seems CNN's Lou Dobbs thinks he is scooping his own show.



Which leads me to my second question: Why aren't more trusted conservatives outwardly debunking the "birther" myth and discarding this ridiculous story once and for all so we can get back to the nation's business?

It appears some of them are scared of their constituents. At least give credit to Hawaii's governor, Republican Linda Lingle... she has seen the birth certificate and has declared Obama to be a son of her state. It's a pity some other Republicans are not following suit... but then it appears some of them are unconvinced by the voluminous evidence themselves. Apparently if information isn't communicated by divine oracle (would a stone tablet be enough? a vision from St. Paul?), some people refuse to "know" it. Evidence? That's for evolutionists.

For more, see Politico's recent story on the birthing nightmare: GOP Headache: The birther issue

Blaming the Dieter

As long as we're talking about eating the fruit, let's talk about eating everything else as well -- and then also about working off the excess calories.

Over the past couple of months, I've been trying to adjust my eating and exercise habits so they are more in line with what a person needs if she wants to be a healthy weight. This might be easier to do than it might have been a year or two ago, when I had a job or was studying for the bar and was too busy to pay much attention to exercise and diet. Then again, I have fewer food choices when I have little money, and I don't have money for a gym. Nevertheless, I find that time is on my side right now, and extra exercise is good for my stressed-out, unemployed body. So I've been making changes. Longer walks and hikes, exercise regimens that target my core muscles, and reducing calories have resulted in a very, very slow weight loss. Not that I weigh myself (it psychs me out), but I know I've lost weight because some of my clothes are too big now. Also, I do have this idea that losing weight very slowly will make weight maintenance easier when I get to my goal weight.

I was a fit and trim woman when I entered college, but since then I have gained some experience with this weight loss thing. In fact, at least three times since becoming an adult, I have lost weight using the standard fewer calories/more exercise formula. Each time, after I got to the weight I wanted, I soon gained the weight back and then some. During the most recent weight-gain cycle, I actually got to the point where my BMI (the US government-accepted, simplistic method for calculating how much one weighs vs. how much one should weigh) was in the "obese" category.

Part of me takes this "obese" label very seriously (diabetes and heart disease run in my family, and both are associated with obesity), while another part of me laughs: "I'm a Brannigan! What do you want? We were potato-fed physical laborers for centuries until those jobs disappeared from the face of the US map and we were left with all these potatoes to eat! Of course I'm 'obese'!" And then another part of me gets pissed off... I'm no supermodel, but I am unhealthy? The rest of my numbers are within healthy ranges (cholesterol, blood sugar, etc.). Even during more sedentary periods I walk and dance several times a week, and I eat pretty much the same things as my skinnier friends do (plus fewer sweets and less beer!), so what gives? And isn't it just insulting for the government and other people who don't know me to label me "obese" based on this semi-arbitrary, simplistic Body Mass Index thingy? Plus, in the last couple of years, there have been studies showing that being moderately overweight or somewhat obese does not decrease life expectancy and even showing that people on the thin end of the spectrum may have slightly shorter life expectancies! So what is the big frickin' deal?

On behalf of all obese Americans, I want to say, "enough!" A person's level of obesity -- a quality of a person's health other lay people seem to think they can judge just by looking at him -- is fundamentally a private affair, just as most other health matters are. And besides, there is no way to know, if you don't know someone quite well, what they have gone through to get to the weight they currently maintain. An "obese" person may actually be quite healthy compared to the "morbidly obese" person they were a year ago; it may be that he has hit a wall in his ability to take off more pounds. Meanwhile, a "skinny" person may be skinny because of healthy habits, but also possibly because he is obsessed with exercise, because he has an eating disorder or even despite trying to *gain* weight because of genetic predisposition!

And for now, I'm not going to even get into detail about the implications of all this fat talk for feminism and our social obsession with appearance. Just talking about the physical and mental health issues is complicated enough. I'll leave that for another day.

For now, as far as the personal responsibility aspect of weight control is concerned, I have learned the virtue of moderation, at least in terms of diet and exercise. And fundamentally, it's a simple matter: eat a little less, exercise a little more, and see where it gets you. I am generally opposed to resorting to the multi-billion dollar diet industry (diet gurus, pills, fad diets and dieting books, etc.) for help. Those who are having trouble with weight issues need to see doctors, nutritionists, and certified personal trainers for help... after all, aren't we arguing that obesity is a health issue? Why would we take the word of a celebrity actress or untrained weight loss "expert" over the advice of a health expert? And finally, let's stop talking about obesity and weight issues as if they were moral failures on the part of the people who suffer from them (and I do mean suffer, in many cases).

I'm not sure if obesity is a "disease," but I do think there are things we can do to create a healthier society, and that includes decreasing obesity rates. The first and foremost would be to make the health experts I mention above accessible to all Americans. A person who wants to see a doctor or a nutritionist should be able to afford one, even if he is jobless, is a single parent with four kids, or is a member of the "working poor" -- people who may have one or even two jobs but still can't afford adequate health care.

Some other options that might improve "obesity" rates: occasional trips to a personal trainer and or/a nutritionist that are (at least partly) covered by insurance; a requirement that restaurants provide clear nutritional information to their customers (people would be appalled if they realized how many calories were in their favorite meals), just as is required in grocery stores; a realistic and reachable societal ideal for what is "normal" as opposed to the Hollywood ideal to which too many people obsessively aspire (when we repeatedly fail to reach such goals, we tend to give up); and physical education programs in schools that help kids enjoy exercise rather than make it totally competitive for some kids and totally pointless for others.

One thing that won't help anybody is this tired idea that being overweight is tantamount to being a petty criminal or at least a morally corrupt being. It seems to me that we'd do a lot more good if we spent more time accepting people for who they are, promoting healthy habits, and then helping them make changes when *they* decide those changes are worth making.

In the meantime, try this article on "for size" (I love the scale graphic):

Shame On US from the Utne Reader, January/February 2008

Welcome

I've decided that I'm getting too vocal about political, social, religious and personal issues on Facebook, so I've decided to take it to a new blog. And.... here it is: Eating the Fruit. The title is a tribute to that original feminist and unruly woman, Eve. Once Eve started eating from the tree of wisdom, I figure we had no choice but to keep eating.